My hubby is great...now. He's very hands on. But when our first was little, he wasn't. It has taken 5yrs, and 3 children later to get him to know what needs doing, and even then, there are times he's totally selfish and very 'what about me'. Yesterday being a good example, I left the children with him for a few hours, came home at about 5.30pm and they were all still unfed, unbathed and grubby, with no dinner on the horizon and he had no plans for feeding them or something to cook. Dinner is usually at 5/5.30 so he should have at least had something cooking/being served up. He was playing stupid games on his phone. I left him to do it though. I wasn't going to do it, because he should have. He asked me what to feed them and I told him to figure it out, I do it every other day and it wasn't too much to expect him to do it one day. They all ended up with baked beans or egg on toast for dinner. Even though he knew he was in charge and they needed food, he didn't think about it.

We had alot of rocky times when DD was little, and I had alot of meltdowns and 'chats' before he really got how stressed out I was. And that I needed his help alot more than he was giving me. I suffered with PND fairly badly with her too and really needed help.

My DH works different shifts every week and can be unpredictable on when he's comeing home. If he has something he's working on, he usually has to stay until he's finished. So I just do what needs doing and if he gets home in time to help he will, even if he's worked all day, he will usually just jump straight in. If he isn't on night shifts, he will bath the kids, and dress them, and put the bigger two to bed.

If he's grumpy and had a tough day, he will usually depbrief with me and get on with what the kids need. He might be grumpy, but not usually too bad. He gets up to the bigger kids through the night often, if he's not on night shifts, or sleeping off night shifts. When the kids were tiny, he would help if I had tried everything else like feeding them and snuggling them and all they needed was a cuddle and a wander around the house, he would do that once my patience ran out.

He's much, MUCH better at taking the initiative now, though still drops the ball alot on seeing what needs doing and doing it. He often wants to watch movies or play computer games and looses it at the kids when they demand his attention. He doesn't get it when they don't understand he's trying to concerntrate and often seems like he thinks it's some sort of personal attack and that the kids have some sort of vendetta against him so that he's not allowed to watch movies or play games, lol. Though in all seriousness, it's been hard for me to explain that they are kids and don't care what he wants, they need their stuff before he gets to do his stuff.

On his days off, DH is awesome at giving me time out. He will take the kids to the park regularly, if I ask to go out for coffee or something like that he doesn't mind me leaving the kids with him. We alternate days to sleep in when we get days we can sleep in. This morning I slept until 10am!! (my first sleep in for a while! I was pretty exhausted!)

He sometimes doesn't hear the kids crying if he's sleeping. If it's his turn to get up, I have to nudge him, and then usually tell him which kids is crying, lol.



I think you really need to have a serious chat together, and then when you let him know (nicely and constructively, because being a ***** about it will get you nowhere- trust me I know!!) what you expect of him, how, what and when, MAKE him do it. Really EXPECT him to do it, remind him to do it, every day. Don't let his whining or sooking about having to be a parent to his child, or responsible for his home (eg, doing the washing up or something like that) get to you. Eventually he will get it and just do it. Transition is really tough. For everyone.